Spread Your Wings Women

Happy International Women’s Day to all you Beautiful, Courageous, Free Spirited, Determined Women our there! Today is a day to Celebrate ALL that we women encompass.

Reflect this morning on what makes You You? What achievements have you been Proud of, what traits do you Love about yourself? What challenges have you Overcame in the past? You’re stronger, more beautiful and more capable than you believe to be true.

I feel honoured to know and have such wonderful women in my life – women who have suffered with mental health and depression, with breakups, with miscarriage, with loss, with financial difficulties, with domestic violence, with adoption, with addictions, with abuse, with low self image and self esteem. Life can be pretty cruel when it wants to be.

However when I think of these beautiful women (you all know who you are!) and also of the woman that I’m becoming (I’m continually evolving, just like that butterfly!!) my heart can’t help but feel warmth, pride, strength and admiration. From working in therapy my eyes have been opened even more with how wonderful mothers are (men also but that’s another day of celebration!). A mothers love knows no limit, even when a mother hasn’t prioritised a child there is always a reason, an internal struggle, a piece that needs healing within. It restores my faith in humanity when I hear of the lengths and measures some mothers go to for their children, their partners and their families. Sometimes that woman is holding everything and everyone together – the glue of the family. Wow!

Each day I am acknowledging more and more the struggles I have been through, learning those important lessons, reflecting on my thoughts/emotions and behaviours in order to become an even more wonderful woman! Learning for me is continuous as long as I am living. I will never admit to knowing it all, I love to learn from those I meet, I love to hear their story, connect on their level and appreciate them for who they are.

At times I feel us Women can be envious and jealous of each other. I put my hand up and admit it. I can feel threatened by another’s beauty, another’s body type and size, another’s wealth, relationships. I’m only human, jealousy is a natural emotion and it can’t help but arise. What I CAN help is HOW I use it. I can acknowledge the other persons characteristics I admire, I love and those that I’m envious of. In acknowledging them I’m creating them too for myself, my life and become determined to achieve it.

Build each other up rather than tear each other down. Allow Your Wings to lift you up rather than weigh you down. Fly High! 🦋

Speak Up….Voice YOUR TRUTH 🗣

I’ve been practising noticing lately when I’m wanting to say something, voice my opinion, speak my truth and be honest yet fail to follow through fully. Sometimes it’s really difficult to face this challenge even though you know it’s how you feel, the right thing to say and do. Why do we get intimidated by what we think or feel may be confrontation? Does it really have to be confrontation or can it be your truth communicated in a strong yet non-emotive way! It doesn’t have to be all fiery and full of fear/anger/worry/frustration.

Through my personal therapy I’ve identified how in the past I allowed others to dictate my feelings, my decisions and my behaviour. Not always but I definitely swayed more towards keeping everyone else happy and not rocking the boat! What I didn’t realise was the extent of the damage that being that way could do to ME! When I don’t express my opinion, feel my feelings and go along with someone else where does my energy go? Where do my thoughts and emotions lie? Can you guess? WITHIN. I love teaching parents and educators about our body, the brain and what happens to suppressed emotions and energy. Emotions are energy in motion. Therefore they come into the mind/body, flow through it but they need a place to exit, to expel from the body so that we release that surge of energy. Research has show and I firmly believe that so many illnesses happen for this reason. We don’t communicate fully our desires, opinions and thoughts, whether they’re loving, angry or otherwise. This can be so damaging.

I’m learning and getting better each day at noticing and hearing my voice within, catching it and then allowing it to be heard. Don’t hide. Don’t surrender to another’s ways/opinions, embrace your truth and give it a voice.

“Is your Voice

Allowed to be Heard?

Or do You Shut it Down?

Speak Your Truth

Allow it Out

It’s Not So Scary

Keep on Practising

Then it’s Not

As Challenging!”

(Deirdre Ward)

During the week I was chatting with a mother in relation to her son’s behaviour and how during a challenging incident she found that she was overwhelmed, went into ‘survival‘ mode herself and reacted to the undesirable behaviours. She beat herself up saying how she could feel her temper and didn’t deal with the behaviour the most effectively.

It got me thinking that it’s only human and natural we are all triggered by events, people, stress, a word passed, a ‘look’, of course we all react in the moment. However it also gave me another insight into how important it is that we begin with ourselves, we need to self-reflect, look at how we behave, our own internal thoughts, the way we work, how and why we do the things we do?

I delivered a workshop in conjunction with my business UNLOCK on Tuesday evening to a group of 63 parents. I was educating people about how by the age of three our Core Beliefs are formed about ourselves, other people and the world. Imagine at 3! How young we make these perceptions and formulations of how we will be treated, firstly by ourselves and then by others. Don’t panic!! We can Change also and rewrite these beliefs that may be somewhat false and out of sync!

For me in the past and still at times today when I feel triggered, my views of myself revert back to the feeling of not being good enough, of being wary of others and the world, whether I am truly safe or not. The subconscious mind, where we store old memories, thoughts and feelings can come right back up to the surface and hit you out of the blue. At times we don’t even know it’s happening.

If we don’t do some piece of work on ourselves, deepen our awareness of the being we’ve become – good/bad/indifferent, then how can we strive to reach a new level of existence, one in which we grow more fully to reach our potential, reach new heights and feel complete. Do we ever feel complete? Surely it’s a continual process for as long as we live?

Don’t try to change anyone else, believe me I’ve tried it for too long, it’s like trying to fit a circle into a triangle. It’s draining, hard work and will never happen. Yes of course you may see ways in which you believe others need to change – your children, your family, friends but firstly step back see how you can become somewhat different in Your approach, in Your way of being that might help and assist those people in making some changes for the better.

Remember you always put your own oxygen mask on first before anyone else’s!

Have a wonderful weekend Tough Cookies x x

Love Deirdre

What do You think of Me…? 🤔🧠

All too often I fall into the trap of being too conscious and aware of what other’s opinions are of me, if they accept me and think highly of me or not. When really this is completely out of my control, I can’t make anyone think a particular way about me, that’s up to that individual.

Don’t we then waste an awful lot of time and energy worrying about this and trying to change it? Unnecessarily? This type of thinking is riddled with fear – the fear of rejection, the fear of not being accepted or worthy/good enough. I lived this way all too often. We can’t be everyone’s cup of tea otherwise the world would be a very boring, monotonous and common place.

While listening to a podcast this morning I heard the comment that if someone thinks you’re a tree or a surfboard, do you allow that to shape you’re image of yourself? Of course you don’t because that’s ludicrous and not possible. But this is NO different to others opinions of you whether it be that you’re selfish, ugly, mean etc Once again it is their mind, their thoughts and it’s not necessarily reality.

I’m fascinated by how others can shape our own beliefs of what we know to be true for ourselves. All too often I’d feel lousy, disheartened and not good enough based on reactions/actions/thoughts/silence of others. When in fact I don’t ever fully know what is 100% true for another, how another completely feels or why they feel/think that particular way.

Imagine all the energy and time you spend thinking on this that could be instead spent on telling and reminding yourself of all the wonderful, positive and loving facts you know to be true for you!

Try today to talk gently to yourself, to not allow others thoughts/opinions shape what you feel and think about yourself.

“I Let Go

Of What I Can’t Know

I Hold Dearly

What I See Clearly”

(Deirdre Ward)

My Truth 👭👫🗣

I don’t even know where to begin, but here goes…

I am turning 31 this summer and I have lived a full life of grief & hurt, I have been used & disguarded in my short years. The pain & grief felt from so many family, friends and people I trusted & loved, either leaving this life to enter another where they don’t suffer anymore or friends just not bothering with me.

The friends part is fine, I just carry on but the lasting grief you have after someone close to you passes on, is heavy. I tried to deal with it and more sorrow came along and it shook me to my core!

I was brought up to respect my elders, to show curtsy and to be well mannered. To treat others as you wanted to be treated, but ‘others’ have not treated me this way. People I’ve known most of my life. One person in particular, no matter how many years went by, we always crossed paths at some stage and as they said to me ‘it’s like we spoke yesterday!’ To feel safe with someone and have a very close relationship/friendship with that person and letting them know, is kind of a big deal. You would do anything for them, as its being loyal to that person.

Always tell the truth even if it’s the hardest thing in your world to do, you will have respect for that. I told the truth after keeping so many secrets for this ‘friend’ so much so that I was even told what to say to keep lying for them. That is not a close-friend/friend. For that I let people know the truth and in return I was stalked, followed, approached by others, bullied and suffered severe depression, anxiety, panic attacks & extreme hair loss. This person completely broke me and I couldn’t deal with all this.

Over the last 3.5/4years of all this I had to learn how to build myself up, go outside, find work, find help for myself all on my own. Throughout all of this, it showed me who really was there when I needed them. After losing alot of my hair due to stress and not sleeping because of nightmares, it’s been a tough time but with that ‘Time‘ I’ve grown my hair back, took on a challenging job in which I help others and I’m more involved in the Community.

I give my knowledge from those dark times of depression, anxiety & panic attacks to understanding the signs that others are struggling with life and try to help them.

My Message to You:

“Look after yourself!

Life was hell, but I’m STRONGER for it”

Thank You to Another Tough Cookie for sharing a piece of their story 💪🏻🍪💜

Look Out!! I’m on Watch Out!! 👀

Do you have to look over your shoulder? Does it feel like you’re sometimes being watched and judged by others? Have you upset or done wrong by other people to make you switched on at high alert, afraid to bump into them/encounter each other? 

What way is this to live? Full of guilt and perhaps shame?  Knowing you’ve not been the best that you can be, have hurt others? Have hurt yourself? 

Ok I own up! One thing I was NEVER good at was harbouring guilt. Yes I was a sneaky child at times, it’s always the quiet ones sure ain’t it?!!!! But I could never cope with the feeling of guilt or dishonesty afterwards and I would have to own up, spill the beans and confess to whatever wrongdoing/hurt I had caused. 

YES we ALL make mistakes, YES we ALL make bad choices but if we didn’t we wouldn’t learn from our mistakes, we wouldn’t learn how to apologise, we wouldn’t know what forgiveness feels like and that guilty conscious would continue to eat and eat and eat at our minds. 

Do YOU want to live like this? Continually looking over your shoulder? 

“Shit!! Look Out!!

Over There

Don’t Stare!

Take Flight

Go Go Go

That Person 

They Know

YOU’RE in the Wrong 

That makes THEM Strong! 

(Deirdre Ward)