On Friday I got my first tattoo!! This year I turned 30 and one way to mark that milestone was I wanted to get a tattoo. It’s funny as for years I was dead against them, I thought they were horrible, I used to look at my sisters ones in disgust and couldn’t comprehend why she would want them!! I used to imagine being an old woman and how strange a tattoo would look. Nope definitely not for me!
So what changed?!! I did! My Life did. Loosing my Mam four years ago I thought would have been the worst day in my life but truth be told it wasn’t. What’s worse is each day wakening up to repeatedly realise she isn’t here, isn’t asleep next door, isn’t going to hug or kiss me again, laugh or cry with me or be around for my future – for my wedding day or the day I have my first child. That realisation can come out of the blue and hit you like a tonne of bricks. That is worse than death.
I have been through some tough challenges in life but nothing has ever prepared me for Grief. I can honestly say hand on my heart that it is the worst feeling I have experienced to date. Does it ever even fully end or go away? I don’t think so but how you manage it and work around it is what is important. You can let go of pain, of loss, of anger, of sadness and remember those loved ones with joy, with peace, with laughter and love.
This is WHY I got my tattoo. I have struggled hugely in many ways and in many aspects of my life this past four years. With my health, my mind, my career, my relationships, my pain, my Adoption. It hasn’t been plain sailing. The darker days outweighed the brighter days. Many days I didn’t feel like going on, I couldn’t see the beauty of the world, of life and there certainly was no beauty to be found within. It’s not a nice place to be, not a nice feeling to have and some days I did feel like giving up; some days I did!
So what has kept me going? How did I and do I continue to pick myself back up on those dull days? Well that’s where my tattoo comes into play! It symbolises three things that keep me going and on Friday I got them permanently etched onto my skin to be that constant reminder of how FAR I have come, to remember to keep going and to believe that “All is Well’ in my world.
So the tattoo? Well!!
- LOVE: a reminder to show, speak and send my love each day. That love begins with self-love. For too long it didn’t, I loved everyone else and gave all my love away, even to those who didn’t deserve it and as a result not leaving an ounce for myself, not wanting to love myself or seeing any part of me that was worthy of love.
- LIFE: life is worth living, yes challenging there’s no doubt but utterly beautiful and wonderful too. I believe in life, in brighter days ahead, in living your best life. Life is a gift and I have learned how to be more grateful for the smaller gifts each day. And yes those challenging, duller days do happen for a reason. There’s always lessons to learn as hard as they can be to find at the time!
- FAITH: when all seemed to be crumbling down around me, when I, the Tough Cookie began to crumble and felt I was falling apart it was and still is my faith that keeps me going. The faith that there is a ‘higher plan’ for me, faith that I’m right where I need to be today and faith that my dreams and visions will be fulfilled. I have faith that my mother is right beside me each and every day, that I’m being guided and that all will come good in the end. That I can choose the life I want to live!
“Love, Life & Faith
Those Parts of Me
I Always See!
When Challenges Come
And you Can’t Run
These Keep Me Sane
Through much Pain!
So What do YOU