Comfort 👚🧣💕

Some days reality comes along and hits you like a slap across the face. Last night I felt overwhelmed by many different areas in my life: health, work, family, demands. Sometimes it can all just pile up and you just don’t feel as able to cope as other days! Most definitely it hits me when I’m tired and have been on the go.

I had a busy weekend where I was on the go so last night when I had heard some bad news along with having a health related appointment earlier in the day it just got too much! Do you ever feel like curling up into a cocoon and hibernating?! 🦋

Yesterday I visited my aunt (my mam’s sister). Seeing her resemblances with my mam triggered me missing mam’s personality, appearance and irreplaceable qualities. Like I said some days it just comes out of nowhere and hits you more deeply, more suddenly and more painfully than others. Feeling overwhelmed and upset I got some comfort from my dad but I also had to ring my ‘adopted Mammy’ that lives in Wexford; a very special lady I met the first time I visited Medjugorje. I knew Mam sent her on my path as a mothering figure for me, a support, a loving female to be there when I need my Mam. While on the phone to her she suggested I get into my bed with my hot water bottle and something belonging to my Mam. How crazy is it that I NEVER much thought of taking something tactile to hold and hug of my mam’s to feel her close by and to feel soothed by! Course I did soon after she died but I hadn’t in a long long time.

I slept soundly last night all cosied up to my mam’s soft, fluffy cardigan. Sometimes it is the smallest things that help reassure you, bring comfort and love.

I saw this quote at the weekend of wanting to be a fairy instead of a human at times! I just loved it, of course we all feel like escaping at times, magically wishing the pain, the hurt, the anger and sadness of tougher days away, of being that fairy throwing some magic dust over life.

Life is challenging, full of hurdles and blocks however we have to remember it IS FULL of magic, of happiness and love, visible and invisible. We have the MAGIC within!

“Some Days can Seem

Dark & Dull

No Sparkle

No Magic

It’s Quite Tragic!

But All’s not Lost

Although at a Cost

There’s Comfort

Around

It Can be Found!”

(Deirdre Ward)

Filthy Rich? 💰💵💰

Do you appreciate your health and you body enough? Without our bodies functioning properly or correctly we would soon find life can be turned upside down and you may not feel like ‘yourself’. 

From seeing and experiencing a terminal illness firsthand within my family yes I learned to appreciate how health really is the wealth in life but I honestly don’t think I ever fully appreciated this meaning/saying until it knocked on my door, my body personally. A terminal illness? Cancer? Thank God no but this last year and a half I’ve struggled hugely with my own ‘cross’ to bear in relation to my stomach and bowel. 

It is so scary how when an area of the body decides to play havoc how it can really affect you as a person. I haven’t felt like the ‘Deirdre’ I used to be for so long. Is this a negative? Perhaps not. I have changed and become stronger in so many ways and for the better but at the same time I haven’t felt ‘at home’ in my body for a long time. I have always suffered in this department but it was always something I could manage fairly well and disguise to be able to live life well. I could exercise, complete 10k/half marathon runs, go out socialising, enjoy meals, had enough energy to focus/feel motivated for certain tasks and work as a teacher which is a very demanding career. Could I do all of this this last year? No chance. 

Most days I waken up as if I haven’t slept at all feeling physically and mentally exhausted/drained of all energy. Exercising which is a huge part of who I am is a big struggle and I can’t remember when I last went for an ‘easy’ 5K jog even 2K jog for that matter. Every step feels like climbing Everest! Food has not become an enjoyable and nourishing factor in my life, it has become something that I view negatively and can abuse totally. When your body is completely depleted of energy you don’t feel like those healthful foods, you want the sugary/carbohydrate quick energy foods to give you that fix. Personally I’ve mostly always been conscious about eating healthy and trying to maintain a balanced diet but lately it really has become a chore and once I step off course Deirdre beats herself up mentally causing negative thoughts and feelings. It is a vicious circle as in so many ways I feel that my stomach/bowel is in control over me, my thoughts, my moods, my feelings, my actions. I am currently looking for work but at the same time until I can get to the bottom of my health problems I can’t imagine how I could physically work a 9-5 job Monday-Friday. 

Weddings, Meals, Celebrations of any kind which should be joyful events and exciting occasions have recently been days I dread and at times try to ‘get out of’. Why? The struggle of being in a dress, fancy clothes, feeling well within myself, being in good form to enjoy others’ company has been such a challenge the last year. I can hide it quite well but once again it is hard work and once again being at ‘home’ in my body is out of the question. 

Why has all this happened in this last year? I have been to many professionals in a bid to alleviate my problems, I have tried so many holistic and medical approaches (although I am very much reluctant to head down the medical route from last experiences). Why can’t I get to the bottom of it all? Why can’t I feel what is wrong/defective within my ‘home’? I have tried to pinpoint the whats and the whys so many times but have disregarded my opinion too often and sure what do I know I’m not Doctor Deirdre? Well you don’t need that title or anybody with those long list of letters after their names to tell you what is going on within your body, your physiology. Trust YOUR own instincts and your own ‘gut’ feelings. (Excuse the pun!!) 

Only yesterday did some hope come my way that things will ease and I’ll begin to feel at home once again. I had pin pointed that the main functions that weren’t happening for me were with my digestion, signals not being sent from my brain to the certain organs and also that my body has been in a highly stressful state for this last year that it has become accustomed to it and somewhat numb to the extreme stress. No wonder signals have been disconnected and no wonder I don’t feel at home! The professional that I met with yesterday confirmed all of these conclusions for me before I had even shared them, it was as if he read my mind. When I told him that I couldn’t believe that I had in ways self-diagnosed my problems it was so refreshing and uplifting that he said for me to NEVER disregard my thoughts about medical/physiological problems as I am the only person that lives within my body, feels it and experiences it. Nobody else can tell you how it feels to live in ‘Your’ home. 

“Money Money Money

Is that what makes you Wealthly?

Or is it when you’re Healthy?”

(Deirdre Ward)