They’re not β€˜All’ the Same…! πŸ’‘ πŸ‘¨β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘¨ πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘©

Are you searching for love? Are you single and would like to go on a date, believe that you will meet your soulmate, that someone who just gets you, makes you smile and who loves you is out there waiting to meet you? Is there something holding you back in taking that risk? Have you been badly hurt previously? Do you find it difficult to trust females/males? Are you unwilling to even give it a go, give it a chance as it’s easier to stay safe for fear that you’ll be hurt?

The last two years I’ve been saying how I’d like to meet someone, how I’d like to go on a few dates again and meet someone compatible! The way the dating world has gone now is predominantly through online apps, swiping and interacting virtually. This for me was difficult to get my head around, how can you figure someone out, get a feel for someone as a person over messages/some photos online, sure it might not even be their photos?! I already find it a challenge at times to trust people and particularly men so this was dead against my beliefs, I always said how I’d like to meet someone in person perhaps at something we mutually like e.g sporting event, a concert etc! However one must move with the times too and give up the constraints that we can sometimes put on our lives if we want something badly enough.

I haven been analysing and teasing out the thoughts I have and how I behave when it comes to relationships with men. I realised I didn’t have a very positive belief about men, I told myself a story that I made up, from experiences that I have had. Once again I am seeing how the language I use, the story I make up in my head is not reality, and how utterly ridiculous and restrictive it can be living my life as if it were the truth and reality.

I realised that I’ve been telling myself that men will let me down, they’ll end up disappointing me, they can’t really be trusted and that they’re usually playing mind games and that very often they’re just out for one thing; what they can get from us.

Have you also got those opinions or views about men or women in your life? What happened in your past to make you write this type of script in your mind? What ‘gospel’ do you live your life by? What do you tell yourself to be true? How is it perhaps restricting you and blocking possibilities from happening in your love life/relationships?

It feels wonderful to be getting clarity around it, to see how and why I’ve formed these ludicrous beliefs and that it’s ALL made up. It’s NOT reality or truth.

I have been on and off on the app Tinder, I was dead against it and after one very brief conversation around Christmas with a man who was fitting into my story of how they’re just looking for one thing and what they can get from a woman I was DONE! I went into my automatic way of survival, I angrily deleted the app, was fuming inside, felt that yes my story and beliefs were being validated and that I knew men were like that. For some reason 2-3 days afterwards I decided that my actions were a bit rash and decided to give it another go. I immediately matched with someone, I received instant messages, he seemed normal, was interested in getting to know me and the conversation flowed. Gosh ok he wasn’t fitting fully into the story I know to be true; how they’ll let you down, are interested in only one thing etc! Could I be wrong? Could there be men out there who are decent, genuine and honest?! Could I rewrite my story and tell myself something different? Could I trust my gut feelings and sense of someone? Could I take a risk to see what happens and what if something wonderful could happen? If I decide no I’m too scared, I have to stay safe, I will never know?!

I have a date on Friday and so far so good, he has been in communication the last 5 days, is interested in the same things as me, seems like a kind and honest man, what if it could be different this time? What if my story needs rewriting? I’ve decided to retell the story to one that is trusting, believing, open and loving!

What have you been telling yourself about relationships? About men? About women? Is it holding you back?

“Take a Chance

On Another

Trust Honesty

Trust Love

Trust Kindness

Everyone is Different

Give that Chance

Take that Risk

It might just Be

A Beautiful Story

One Full of ‘Glory’!”

(Deirdre Ward)