One of my favourite things about people are their eyes. I am always fascinated to see the huge spectrum of colours and unique differences everybody has in their eyes. As mentioned before I believe that somebody’s eyes can tell their whole story and how that particular person is feeling inside.
“One’s eyes reveal how one’s soul is feeling” (Deirdre Ward)
I also never thought about the quote above i.e. that when we do these various actions, a lot of the time it is with our eyes closed! However my question is what happens if our eyes are constantly ‘closed’ even when we are trying our best to keep them ‘open’ and SEE our lives with more clarity? At times we can be blinded and physically ‘UNABLE’ to see, even if we go to Specsavers and pass the eyesight test with flying colours!
This happened to me last night! I would have thought I was very aware of how I feel, what areas of my life I need to improve on, who I need to look after and help out etc I do still believe I have a lot of clarity about these things however I identified last night, along with the help of someone else’s vision that I was totally blinded by my own eyes.
Since loosing my Mam two years ago I feel I have been quite strong, coped with her loss well and that I am healing my life on a daily basis. I am very grateful for having had her in my life and for all the special moments I had with her. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for a partner to loose their ‘other half’. Yes I lost a part of me that was massive but my Dad had many more years with this exceptional lady. I have always tried to help him grieve, help him to express his emotions about loosing her and essentially help him to heal. For anyone that knows my Dad knows that he is such a quiet, private, strong, caring and honest man. He does not find it easy to express or open up about his emotions. I believe a lot of men feel this way and in my opinion it is quite sad and somewhat ‘unhealthy’. For one’s mental mind it is much more beneficial to try your hardest to open up to others and more importantly yourself about how you are feeling. Some say it is all to do with EVOLUTION but I believe it is all INDIVIDUAL.
To make a long story short, I was trying my hardest to help my Dad to heal with this loss in his life. So much so that it was causing a lot of frustration and even anger inside of me! I felt I didn’t know what else I could possibly do to ‘fix’ him. I do realise you cannot fix anyone else, that the only person who can fix themselves is that person. It didn’t stop me trying to help with his healing. Since moving home again, I have re-established my sessions with my councellor. I don’t like referring to her as that as in my eyes she is more like a really good friend that I can open up to and she in return helps to advise me and see with what areas of my life I need to work on! Last night as we were talking things through about my relationship with my Dad and how I am trying so hard to help him but that I feel he’s not taking my help a really hard hitting but also magical moment happened. The revelation came as a complete SHOCK to me and it felt so extremely scary and uncomfortable but at the same time so elevating and positive.
As I was explaining some things to her about our relationship and she was asking me some questions to ‘press’ certain buttons, I started to think and see the situation in a very different light. She told me that at the moment this ‘PROFOUND’ message was revealed to me, that my face looked like a frying pan had hit it!! The lesson I learned was that instead of trying to help my Dad heal and ‘fix’ his heart, I was blinded by the fact that what I really need to do is help myself to heal and ‘fix’ MY OWN heart. This might sound so simple to you reading my piece but I genuinely thought that I was coping ‘just fine’ and that it was the others in my life that needed help!
I totally view the situation now in a different perspective/light. It took the vision and perspective of another to help me ‘SEE’ more clearly. I know too that at times other people’s judgments, viewpoint or opinions might not be wanted and at times we have to be very careful about expressing what we feel another ‘SHOULD’ do or what is positive/negative in another’s life, however sometimes it is exactly what we need to see more clearly. I needed someone on the outside looking in to notice what I could not see. Be gentle giving your opinion and approach matters with caution and care but if you feel another person really needs to hear something to be able to ‘see’ something in their life don’t be afraid to express it in a loving nature. I also think a good foundation in a relationship needs to be established first before we have the ‘right’ to do this for one another.
“Sometimes we all need a helping hand and a new set of ‘lenses’ to see through“ (Deirdre Ward)