A honest, emotional and loving story of one Tough Cookie who became a young mother, suffered with post natal depression but overcame these challenges with support of family and friends and most importantly truly believing in herself. A wonderful mother no doubt 🌸🌟
I like to think we all are on a journey, full of ups and downs and obstacles which are put in place to test us or see how we cope with situations. Some unfair and hard but somehow can result in making us wiser, stronger, not afraid to face the unknown and not afraid to ask others for help. I think we’re on a path with side trails, but its how we/if we want to get back on that path that’s the main thing.
When I was younger fresh out of school I was a messer of the highest degree! I just started college in the course I wanted, loved living away and going out. Making new friends, getting the bus or train to my school friends who were in different colleges. Life was great. After my first year in my course I applied to a private course in London which I knew would really add to my training. The first year of college flew by and I was on my summer holidays, with a place in the course in London.
One night on the way home I was in the car with my boyfriend at the time and we had a car crash. It was all such a blank I just remember looking to my left and seeing a telegram post 2 foot away from us and a lot of branches against my window. He got out and helped me get my belt off and pulled me through his door. We were so lucky not a scratch on either of us. Days went on and I had a pain in my back, would dream about it and wake up in a panic and feel sick. Mam said to me that there would be no harm going to the GP to see what they’d have to say. I went into my GP and she examined me from head to toe, I got the all clear! But as I was going out the door I turned and told her about my dreams and waking up feeling sick, she stopped me leaving and asked me would I mind giving a sample… In my head I though ‘course no bother’ as I knew/thought we’d been safe…. I took the test… I was then about to have my life change in a matter of seconds “Your PREGNANT”… with a state of shock I laughed (I do this when I get a shock)…
I went home and went upstairs, I didn’t know what to say only I knew I had to tell someone. So my sister was in her room on her bed and I told her and rang my boyfriend. He came over that night and we talked about it. I couldn’t tell my mam as she was going on holidays and felt if I told her before hand she wouldn’t enjoy herself so I waited until she got back. My best friend was also one of the first to know and was/is amazing support!
I was very lucky in the fact I had such a strong support network of friends and family, we talked about all options and we made the decision to go ahead with the pregnancy. I had to turn down London but continued into second year where I was. The months flew by and I was given the choice to take the year out but I was determined to be qualified before this baby arrived.
At 36 weeks (a month early) the most amazing little man came into our lives. I fell in love instantly with this squishy, tiny little bundle. He was perfect!
Although he was early it worked out great! My mam had took holidays for the week after I was due so she could help us out but because he was early and Easter fell early I missed hardly any college and I was able to go back after 3 weeks to finish it out.
That May I graduated with my friends. As time went on I worked weekends and the odd day during the week as we didn’t have a minder, I started to feel not like myself at all. I’d clean the house so much as I was afraid he’d pick up a bug and get sick, didn’t want others feeding him or changing him as I felt if I wasn’t doing it I wasn’t being a good mam, I didn’t want to leave the house with him full stop.
The high light of my week would be borrowing my mams car and doing the weekly shop in Aldi (sad I know) but I couldn’t help it! I’d look forward to my mam coming at lunch time for the hour and after that it was back to just myself and the baby and the hoover! Eventually one day my mam asked me was I ok, I looked at her and started to well up. The girl who at one time would barely be in the house was now never leaving it! I was so afraid to get help as I was convinced he’d be taken away from “an unfit young mam” (this was all in my head)…
I was completely wrong I went to my GP and yes months after having the baby I’d post-natal depression. The support and advice I got from my GP was amazing. I started to see a light at what had been a very lonely dark place for quite a while. I went and bought my first car I was pure delighted with it and I could go anywhere I wanted with my little man and visit my friends. I felt my independence coming back, my confidence and back to being ‘me’ again.
Unfortunately my relationship with the baby’s Daddy didn’t work out and did knock me – particularly my confidence but we weren’t working and it wasn’t fair on our child being brought up in that environment.
One day in work I was asked to take part in a well known festival by a client who had previously been part of it, it was something I would have loved years ago but I had a child and didn’t think I could have taken part in it. I also didn’t think I had the confidence to either… but my boss really got behind the idea and sponsored me. I decided to give it a go… not knowing what was ahead!
I had a lovely day meeting girls from around the county and getting treated like a princess for the day and meeting an idol of mine (Jennifer Wrynn) she was one of my judges!…. That evening results were in and my name was announced!! All I can really remember is seeing my supporters standing on their chairs and cheering I couldn’t believe it was my name that had been called!
I progressed onto the next level of the festival where I met some of the most amazing ladies I have ever met in my life and shared a room with a girl I now call a sister. From the other Roses life stories to their personalities to their amazing friendships, I felt the best I had felt in a long time (just with sore feet from the heels!!!).
That weekend the group was cut down with only some making it through to the festival in Tralee. I didn’t make it through but for me that wasn’t a major upset, I was happy with what I had achieved, the ladies I had meant and the friendships and memories I will always have. We the ladies who didn’t get through went down to support our new friends knowing one of them would be chosen. Down there we also met the escorts taking part in the festival who have also gone on to become amazing friends to me.
After taking part and hearing such amazing stories from other people it got me thinking “whats stopping you only yourself” “only you can make things happen for yourself”. I decided I wanted “my son to think anything is possible with belief and hard work”
I have since gone to Belarus on charity work (Adi Roache’s Chernobyl), taken part in the NYC parade, gone back to college and completed the 1st two years of my new course and I am going into my degree year. My little man isn’t so little and has now completed junior infants, I have upgraded my car and also got a new job!
Its not been what I thought the last 6 years would be and yes the side trails have been hard and bendy and tough to keep going on but if you really do want to get to where you want to go or the person you want to be, you’ll find a way forward or ask for help.
I have changed a lot, grown up a lot, and I do believe its all down to my little man making me a better person. He’s loved by so many people.
I wouldn’t be in the place I am now without the support and love of my friends and family no matter how much I say it they will never know how grateful I am to have them all in mine and my sons lives – whether we talk every day, week month or year it doesn’t matter just THANK YOU for being there when we needed you X