A Mother’s Mission 💜

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The Tough Cookie has opened up the Blog for other Tough Cookies out there to share their stories. Thanks to this mother for sharing her Story about some of the challenges that face her as a mother, her daughter and whole family unit.

My Story:

I’m not going to lie to you the past couple of days have floored me but I have to believe in myself and do what’s best for my child. If I don’t fight for her and be her voice who else will? So I’m educating myself so I can be a better mother to her and be able to stand up and say hold on- “Just because they don’t see it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist” I have never seen a billion euro, yet it exists!! 😂😂

I’ve come to the conclusion that they are inexperienced in picking out the signs of ASD within their school for one of two reasons, girls mask their needs. They imitate their peers so that they fit in **We are a very clever gender**!

Girls don’t tend to have behavioural problems in school as they again don’t want to stand out and be different from their peers. School is a safe place for them as it’s a part of their daily routine. They may not be coping very well underneath the surface and once they leave the premises of the school they are fit to burst. It’s like a balloon filling up all day, eventually there is no more room for air to go into this balloon. It can only mask the symptoms for so long until finally it goes POP. That is normally at home within their home settling where they are most comfortable and able to be themselves. Then take the child out of the home and try and get them to do an extracurricular activity while this balloon is ready to pop the result being that they are over stimulated ready to fight. They will shut down, not engage and lash out. We are parents, who know our children best and I have always known that something in my gut told me that my daughter’s behaviour wasn’t normal behaviour. ❤️❤️❤️

I don’t blame the school for not recognising the symptoms as it’s not very common for a girl to be diagnosed at such an early age. Its nearly always presents in preteens and early teenage years. Most girls will be diagnosed with depression and anxiety first before they will be diagnosed with Autism. So for me to recognize my daughter is different at 6 well really at 3years of age as my concerns started then. It took me three years of waiting for other people to recognise the signs, I was waiting for approval and acceptance that something wasn’t right but I didn’t get it from anybody apart from one doctor who suggested we get her assessed. That was last September. That’s when I decided to take matters into my own hands and explore all avenues.

Did I think we were going to come to the conclusion of Autism? Not at the beginning but I had some suspicions over the past couple of months as she wasn’t engaging or expressing herself in certain situations and she would pick and choose who she would speak with.

I knew selective mutism and autism didn’t go hand in hand but I have asked my OT since December do you think it could be ASD after 6 sessions and an assessment with her, she agreed yes there is something more! To hear it from a psychologist that I am very right and on the button with this at this very early age I should feel like I have achieved this mission but instead it had the opposite effect – the realisation that it’s true and it isn’t just me.

So here is my story and I’m not finished this journey I’m only at the beginning. I know,we will have to conquer challenges on the way and meet some unsupportive people.

My new motto is: “just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean is doesn’t exist”

 

“Mums the Word…?!” 🤔😮🤫

Motherhood…..?? 🤔 Hmmmmm!

Yesterday I had the pleasure of visiting a close friend of mine who just had a baby girl and it got me thinking as to whether I would be ready to become a mother and have a family. Motherhood is something I most definitely want in my life and it holds a very special and important place personally in my heart. But I for one know right now I am most definitely NOT ready to partake in parenting just yet!!

From witnessing pregnancy, the early days of parenting, not to mention juggling three children from my sister’s experiences, my eyes have been opened hugely regards Parenthood. It is NO easy task. It struck me today while visiting my friend how it must be so so scary and strange to go from carrying a baby for 9months and then overnight (or in some poor creatures cases longer!! Yeah the whole long, painstaking labour isn’t something to look forward to!) all of a sudden to be holding, looking at, caring and responsible for the tiny bundle. It must be a shock to the system, for mother and father, I’m sure reality hits hard with a BANG!! Yes of course it’s an absolute miracle and a blessing but nonetheless an extremely tiring, challenging, confusing and life-changing time. Not to mention those Hormones to contend with!! 🤯🤭

Last week I met with a mother through my work (UNLOCK) and for a mother so young, only 23, I was stunned at how hard a life she has lived to date. A single mother of three, who didn’t have the warmest or easiest childhood, who has had futile relationships and as a result of her experiences has suffered with her own mental health. I wouldn’t blame her. I told her how admirable she is and how I can’t honestly say I would be standing like her after the cards she’s been dealt.

This post might sound like it’s very female orientated, focusing on Mothers, don’t for one second doubt me that I don’t see how difficult also Fatherhood is. Sleepless nights with feeds, pacing pathways to soothe and comfort, tending to your partner/wife, walking on eggshells!! Every second of the day centring around this tiny bundle! A lot to take on!

What also struck me is that I don’t believe many courses/books/manuals/workshops etc can prepare anybody FULLY for Parenthood. Yes there are so many informative resources out there that DO help but until you’re really in the thick of things, with your unique little individual nobody/nothing can prepare you. You don’t know in advance the temperament or character of your baby. It could be the most placid, laid back and content child therefore making Parenthood a breeze or it could suffer colic, sleep very little and cause a storm to brew within the household.

So….. is Deirdre (the Tough Cookie) ready to tackle Motherhood?!! Well preferably I’d like to meet and marry a man first!! 😂🕺🏻Its safe to say as ‘tough’ as I am I’m definitely not cut out for it all just yet! I’m a firm believer in trying ones best to be the best in your life before bringing another little being into the mix!

“Parenthood:

No Manual or Instructions

New Life

New Connections!

A Blessing for Sure

But Somedays You’re not

So ‘Secure’!

Ups & Downs

Life’s No Playground!

But Worth it All:

The First Crawl!

Your Name they Call!”

(Deirdre Ward)