Sick to the Stomach?🤢

Feeling queasy? Are you full up of negative self-talk? Do you swallow the judgements/criticisms of others? Feel like vomiting? Are you repulsed by your internal talk/words of others? 

Do we ever reach a stage in life when we are fully and truly happy with how we look, what we’re doing/purpose, how we treat others and can say that we’ve no regrets? I HOPE SO! If not has this life been worth it? What is the meaning of life for you? 

In the last month I’ve gotten into the routine of making sure I go to bed with a positive, hopeful mindset and wakening up with some positive, uplifting thought for the day ahead. How? It’s as simple as repeating a positive mantra/affirmation to yourself, reading a quote a number of times, telling and reassuring yourself that you’re doing a great job and that your life is just as it should be right now. Even if you feel it’s not, it’s a better technique than constantly panicking, worrying and allowing those negative thoughts/feelings seep in and rule you. Why focus on what’s not right/working out in your life? Put all that energy into what IS working/‘good enough’ in your life. 

Take ACTION right NOW!!!!!!!! Download a quote, pick a short, positive mantra and repeat it/read it as many times as you can today. Every time you feel a negative thought, a worry creeping in today shut it out and replace it with your ‘positive’ for today! 

Today I Choose:

“I’m Competent, Able

Good Enough 

& Tough!”

“Knock Knock, Who’s There?” 🚪

Does your mind run away with thoughts at times? Thoughts that aren’t calming, peaceful or reassuring? Do you feel like sometimes there is a voice inside your head that is controlling your every thought, move, action and reaction? I have that voice and I believe it resides within us ALL. 

One of my biggest pet hates is when Labels are attached to people and used for certain ‘disorders’. Yes I understand that there are various conditions/diseases etc that need to be named but I also feel we use these labels and definitions too promptly/flippantly and use them at times as an excuse or a justification for a certain behaviour/feeling. I also feel at times it is a mechanism to AVOID the real emotions and issues that lie at the core.

Anxiety disorders, Bi-Polar, Depression, Eating disorders – the list seems endless. Have we ALL not struggled with these various feelings/’disorders’ at some severity and period in our lives? These terms are so unbelievably broad I feel that at times they are too broad to even use in relation to certain situations/people. 

I have struggled at times with feeling sadness and a sense of hopelessness, I have eaten emotionally in response to feelings/scenarios, I can have varying moods within a day, I hear that little voice inside my head (at times beating me up but also at times encouraging me on and motivating me). Does all this mean I have all these various labels from above? Perhaps? But it is more realistic in my opinion and more honest to say that NO I don’t suffer from all these disorders, I instead “Suffer from being a human, alive on this planet facing life’s challenges to the best of my potential”

Anxiety is a horrible feeling. It comes and goes for me depending on external situations in my life. I am constantly trying to develop skills myself to eliminate this feeling and cease it from existing – To nurture a sense of inner calmness and control no matter what is going on around me. It takes hard work, time and effort. Lately while discussing how I can suffer quite badly with anxiety and a sense of panic with a friend of mine she was flabbergasted. She commented how I always come across as very confident and self-assured. I really had to nearly laugh in her face!! It is far from the truth. Yes at times I feel confident and competent but only when I feel able to complete or master something to a high level/standard. If I am faced with a challenge, something that is out of my comfort zone and out of my capabilities the impending anxiety and fear can be atrocious. It can cause my breathing to quicken and I begin to imagine the worst eventualities (which usually involve me failing miserably at the task in question and making a complete show of myself/being ridiculed and having such an enormous sense of failure) does this happen? Usually never! Does that stop it from happening repeatedly within my mind? No! But I am trying to equip myself more with the skills needed to eliminate it from my life for good. 

I believe this anxiety and these fears are always very deeply rooted to a memory or experience within ones childhood. I can vouch that this is most definitely true for my situation. 

Know you’re not alone, we all have that inner voice, those insecurities and those times when we feel inferior, incapable and just not ‘good enough’. Begin today to change the dialogue within your head, talk in a loving tone to yourself, say out loud how capable you are and that no matter what life throws at you, “You’ll handle it!” We must ACCEPT who we are and be at peace within ourselves. Each and every one of us IS GOOD ENOUGH and more than enough. 

Life’s too short to fight a constant battle with yourself. You’ll never win unless you silence that inner voice of negativity, doubt, fear and hatred. 

“Close the Door

It’s Time to Say “NO MORE”

Bolted At Last

It’s in the Past!

Knock Knock, Who’s There?

Peace, Joy, Love; No Need to Beware!

That Door Tightly Shut 

You’re Out of that Rut!

(Deirdre Ward) 

My True Colours 💜💛💚💙💗

Do you allow your colours to shine through or do you feel that you cannot show and express the ‘True You?’ 

For too long I didn’t know who I fully was, what I identified with, I was too concerned with what I ‘should’ be within my family, my circle of friends, my community and society as a whole. Too many of us feel we have to ‘fit in’ and shape ourselves based on what others believe we should be. What shape does it take? Do we even know what this shape looks like to ‘fit in?’ 

In my opinion there is no real concrete image/shape to fit into. I feel it’s all an illusion, it’s based on what our own insecurities, fears and doubts are. It’s actually not really society communicating or shaping us. Yes society affects what we view this shape to look like but it boils down to ourselves pressurising ourselves and being hard on ourselves to be a certain way, behave in a certain way and what ‘colours’ we wear/transmit/display. We need to accept us for we really are despite what anybody else thinks/wants us to be. 

I believe Identity is one of the most important personal attributes to be fully connected with. Know exactly who you are and what you believe in. In my life this Identity has changed hugely and I’m sure it will continue to take various shapes as life moves on, as I experience more in life and as I interact with and learn from all who enter my life. 

I know within this last year I have ‘changed’, some might say I have changed drastically. I know my family see a difference, my sister did ask my Dad one evening when the ‘other’ Deirdre will come back?!! I found this very comical but extremely interesting! People get so used to others behaving in a certain way and fitting into a particular role. Why do we need to remain the same way and in the same role forever? In light of this however I believe it’s others that sometimes cannot cope with a ‘new’ you, a more open and expressive you as it makes them feel uncomfortable in light of their own life, their own insecurities/disappointments what they encompass etc 

They can see you shining and transmitting ALL your colours and wish they too could be brave enough to shine and show their ‘rainbow’! I hope that whoever I meet along the way can see these true colours that I hold within. 

It’s not easy showing these colours, I had intended to try to sing a clip of the song ‘True Colours’ for this blog but the fear got the better of me! It is a progressive path you take, slowly building up confidence and assurance to show and express yourself fully! Be gentle with yourself and all you can do is do your best. 

“Show All Your Colours

For Everyone to See

Shine those Lights & 

Glow Brightly” 

 Unspoken Words

In life I feel we all carry around with us a little dictionary/personal diary buried within our hearts of words, a language only we speak, one that is silent, an inner dialogue, perhaps misunderstood. Do we ever give others the opportunity to understand it? To hear it? To read it and share it? What is the point in keeping it locked up within the heart and soul? If locked and never revealed/expressed does that mean you are never fully ‘YOU‘ in public? Why not be the Full You? You were put on this Earth to be You, to share that uniqueness with the world and to shine brightly.

It is only within this last year that I’ve decided that language I held so close to my heart needed to be shared. Yes plenty won’t understand it, yes plenty will need translations but the most powerful and effective thing is I can share it, release it and it’s OK if others don’t understand, you feel liberated in revealing it and you are finally beginning to feel like YOU! 

For too long and still at times today I get too preoccupied about other people’s opinions of me and how they judge me as a person. Only this week I’ve come to the realisation that I was holding back in some areas of my life and I need to face the fears within that are based on others opinions of me! Society is far too quick to transcend judgements and frequently judgements without really knowing another and certainly as mentioned without hearing their “language”. Lately I’ve been trying my best to avoid being judgemental. I believe it is one of the hardest tasks in life. We are too quick to form opinions. 

While chatting with a great friend last night and also with my Dad it dawned on me that I was sounding quite contradictory. I was explaining a situation where I felt frustrated, how we are all too quick to judge, I was emphasising how we cannot “paint people with the same brush or keep painting a person with a brush from his/her past” without actually really knowing a person. 

While chatting with my Dad I stopped mid sentence and exclaimed “I’m so contradictory right now aren’t I?” It pained me in ways to have to admit it but it also opened my eyes that if I’m to live this way and if I want others to then it has to be for each and every person I meet/know. I cannot pick and choose whom I judge and whom I don’t! It’s not a pick and mix! We either choose fully to avoid making judgements of others or not. 

As mentioned, while chatting to this friend last night he shared a quote from a famous writer called GK Chesterton. 

Chesterston believes that we need to “View the World Standing on One’s Head” What a thought provoking image and statement. It’s like he’s saying we all need to become ‘grounded’ in life again, we need to stop viewing oneself as high and mighty above everyone else and begin thinking from the lowest viewpoint. Yes we use our head to think but what if we began to see and think standing on our heads? Would everything look upside down or would it actually make more sense and look more complete? Get out of the ego, come down from that height, meet people at the same level, perhaps they’re not at that level but at least form your opinions and impressions of them from that place, that place of love. 

I googled some more of Chesterston’s quotes last night and this one also struck a chord within. We do not always know how another is feeling, what another is going through i.e the diary they keep locked in their heart, that internal language they speak that we do not understand. Therefore it is crucial and important that we try our best to only see love as sadly so many of us can feel lost in life. It’s not our duty to judge, it’s not our duty to tell another they’re lost and to place them on the road they need to follow, it IS our duty to support, to guide, to listen and as everything in this life is based on it’s our duty to LOVE. 

“We can be Blind

We can be Unkind

Too far from Reach

Come down, Don’t Preach!


Not only what you see from Up Above!”

(Deirdre Ward) 

Leave Those Labels! 

Fat, ugly, stuck up, snobby, bitch, liar, ‘player’ etc We all use various labels for oneself and each other. What about those positive ones? Kind, loving, honest, caring, beautiful, friendly, intelligent etc Do we quickly jump to use those negatives about ourselves and others or do we try to only speak in loving and positive ways about oneself and another?

Don’t get me wrong I know if someone hurts you or treats you with disrespect it can be extremely difficult to use positive and loving terms in reference to them. However I know it’s important to do so. More than likely if someone hurts another or uses unkind words in reference to another it’s because they themselves are hurting and cannot see any beauty within themselves. How could someone who uses only negative comments about oneself be able to use positives about another? It is a reflection of themself. Lately as part of my course I am beginning to study behaviours and how the brain/mind thinks. I have always been intrigued by this! It’s fascinating and I am forever analysing my own behaviours and thoughts. Something I feel we ALL need to do! Certain labels from my own past have stuck with me and cause insecurities within. Even though I know that these labels are not true, a piece within, that inner voice can’t help but remind me of them at times! Or can it be helped? 

Personally I know that before I would have been considered quite a ‘snobby’ and somewhat ‘stuckup’ character. Why and how did I get this label? Looking back I believe it was definitely because of my shyness that I was refrrred to as snobby. Isn’t it sad that if a person is quiet and shy that it can be perceived as being snobby?! With my father being principal of my secondary school I feel that certain people believed that I held myself in high regard and believed that I was somehow ‘better’ than others?! Again most definitely not true! It always baffles me when others believe that I am oozing with confidence and self assurance. That also is the furthest thing from the truth!! I remember a friend saying how confident I was being on tv for the Rose of Tralee and that surely I had no problems or difficulties in that area! Being honest only in the last year and a half have I really developed my confidence and self esteem because of working hard on myself and starting from scratch to see the beauty I hold and those positive attributes about myself. It can be a real struggle some days to ‘see’ & ‘feel’ it.

I’m not as shy anymore because of this. Because of believing more in myself, knowing that I have self worth and attributes that are positive and unique. Have a conversation with me and then you’re more than welcome to judge whether you believe I’m snobby or not! The best conclusion is that I now know these ‘labels’ are untrue and I don’t have to feel tied to them. I know what I’m like and I know me better than anybody else. That is ALL that matters! 

Before you jump to presumptuous labels and negative references about another, STOP, look within and see how another perceives you to be, see how you speak about yourself? Are the judgements correct and true? Be kind to yourself, be kind to another. Fully connect and know yourself and those you meet. 

“Don’t label me

Until you know me!

Don’t label you

Until you know you!

Words can hurt 

Words can comfort

Do you want pain?

Do you want pleasure?”

(Deirdre Ward)